Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
