So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The beer is more important than you right now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
