i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
