You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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