Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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