6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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