Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
