I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
