You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
