His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
