I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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