Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
