If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
