i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
