I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
