Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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