I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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