I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
