either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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