from now on my penis is your penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
