True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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