Your face is a jimmy john
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
