I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
