And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
