I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
