I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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