I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you never un-have a 4some
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
