he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
