I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
