Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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