Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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