she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
