I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
