I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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