Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
