finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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