If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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