Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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