that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
