I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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