Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
