I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
