I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
