Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
