im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
