Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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