You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
