the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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