cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
