My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
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