he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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