He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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