I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
